To be fair, I was overdue for a break…fair is fair right?
This past summer was a game changer for me. I won’t get to the nitty gritty now (probably ever) but the point is that I was rocked. All the way to my core where I hadn’t truly checked in in years. And I learned and grew and came out stronger just like they always say you do…so if you’re in the middle please have hope. And also please understand that between our first and last breath, we’re all in the middle. And it SUCKS…for ALL OF US! Not a one of us gets out of this alive, after all. But it’s also a gift. We really do grow through what we go through and I can honestly view my summer from a point of gratitude rather than resentment or anger or frustration. Not because it was easy, but because I’m a better me now.
I know we all process so very differently, but I turned to my first love: literature. Here are some of the books that got me through some SHITTTT…and can do so for you so write them down:
-A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
-The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
-Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado
-Loving What Is by Byron Katie
-You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero
I spent a lot of time reading and crying to my friends and breathing through the hurt. Because of hitting such a low, ugly spot, I wasn’t exactly drawn to posting a highlight reel. We may crave genuine connection when we reach out to our phones, but I sought it in God and my loved ones instead. And then I kept seeking them…and it felt so much better than Instagram.
My Instagram started as a way to promote the hair business I was working on. With absolutely zero intention, it turned into one more platform hawking stuff that you don’t need. That I didn’t need. I am a girl of Goodwill and DIY! Oh and by the way, I really wasn’t very good at it. Others do it far better. Some even do it with a stitch of integrity.
As great as my disdain for disclaimers is, here goes:
I do not judge anyone for what they do or how they do it or anything at all ever. I am a sinner, you are a sinner, we are all the same. So to the bloggers I know and follow and love and admire: YOU DO YOU GIRLFRIEND! I love watching you grow and rooting you on and will never stop. I am so thankful for every opportunity and company I’ve gotten to work with! I have made such sweet friends and connections through it all, and I can’t thank them enough!! I am just no longer using this platform in that way. Because of that, starting my new job, and trying to live the truth I spent so long digging out of me, I haven’t spent much time on the gram. I miss my community of hair lovers and I hope to return to posting hair pics very soon! But I learned to place that last on my list of importance.
If everything is a priority, nothing is.
I used to get anxiety at 8:30 pm daily if I didn’t have something I felt worth posting. WHAT A WORTHLESS WAY TO SPEND A MOMENT. I’m not interested in ever feeling that again. I want to pour into my people, the ones in my every day, the gifts straight from God who make my world go round. Instagram has to come last, because it doesn’t matter and isn’t real. The people though, in life and online, are real and every single person matters.
All that to say, I have spent so much time and effort and had a lot of fun building this blog and my Instagram, and I’m not ready to let these babies go. I have a love for hair (and helping other people love THEIR hair) that has been inside me before I ever had an audience. So if you’re still here, I’m very glad to have you. I hope that I can bring something to your life other than a want for something you don’t have.
You are already equipped with all you’ll ever truly need.
3 thoughts on “SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONEEEE (read: Since I’ve been gone. Meant to be belted á la Kelly Clarkson)”
Good for you!!! I am currently in one of these moments myself and reading You are a Badass. It’s nice to read that someone has gone through something similar and come out on top!
I wish you the best! 🙂
Love these words & you so much!!!
To quote Ms. Clarkson again: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Miss seeing your face at your previous place of employment and love following you on here and Instagram. You’re SUCH a talented hair artist and I always loved seeing your creations. Glad to see you’re back 🙂