2.24.21

Today was pretty normal, which is of course a gift. 

A normal day means my people are healthy and my day operated according to schedule–the dogs didn’t even have an accident in the house! Hell, maybe this day should be classified as superb for that fact alone.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much effort goes into making things appear baseline normal. It takes great skill to make any task look easy. Have you ever tried to cut someone’s hair? Bake something from scratch? Survive a pandemic with some semblance of sanity?

There are exceptions to every rule of course, but much like T Swift I know I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try.

I am getting more comfortable cutting Rob’s hair each blind stab in the dark I take at it (twice now, and he still loves me so I guess I may not be too bad at it). I know that excellence takes time and mastery and patience. But when am I going to master the Covid life? 

It’s something I often wonder, as we’re a year in now and I am still front row on the struggle bus. You too? Yeah, probably. We’re all figuring it out, all the time. If it wasn’t the Herculean effort of juggling WFH full time with childcare and general life, it would be fighting traffic and daycare runs and less time with my loved ones. I hold space for the difficulty of the season while also recognizing the immense privilege it’s wrapped up in.

I hate to spoil my earlier question for you, but:

I’M NOT GOING TO MASTER IT.

Life is one of those things that I don’t believe can be mastered, regardless of the effort put forth. The game can change in one breath, one second, one decision. I won’t master Covid life, or the life that comes after. I can only master my response to it all.

I let go a little easier each time I remember that fact.

The Dainty Days used to look so different. My days used to genuinely be so different! But they never felt as good as they looked. Today, they feel so SO much better than they look.

These are the days.

Love,
Ashley

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